im so drunk with asians
where?
always
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
