Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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