i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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