Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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