Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
