I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
