two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
