booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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