Already got asked if we're dating
Where is the hickey?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
