So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
