By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
