I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
