community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
