I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
