If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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