I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
