Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
