You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
two words: eviction party
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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