I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
