God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
