last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
