Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
