you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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