I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
