I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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