My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hate all girls vehemently.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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