I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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