this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize