if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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