this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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