Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
