Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
