You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
