i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
