There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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