she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
