He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
