and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My pussy is not your playground.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
