I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
