How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
