That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
