he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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