Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
