I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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