youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
