Did you just see the Batmobile???
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
