Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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