I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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