Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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