took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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