Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
