So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
