you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I believe in your delicious
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
